Tj Host

Our first guest is one of the
funniest people on the planet. Please welcome Amy Schumer. [APPLAUSE] Hi. Hi, Amy. Hi. Hi. What are you– oh. Muah. Muah. What are you doing? You know, I’ve
gotten too pretty. I don’t know. I just– I found out on the
cover of People magazine’s Most Beautiful issue. No, no. you’re not on the– you’re
in it, but you’re not on– Pink is on the cover. Oh, Pink is the cover. Yeah, you’re in it though. You’re beautiful. Oh, OK. I guess I– I guess I could come out then. Oh, you were just
in there because you thought you were too pretty? Yeah, I thought I was too
pretty and people were going to freak out in here. Oh. They’ll still freak
out, but come on out. Oh, OK. Yeah. Like, I don’t know. [APPLAUSE] When I was born. That’s what my mom
saw when I was born. Like that? Yeah. Hi. Thank you. Hi, Twitch. Thank you. Hi. Hello. So I’m just in the magazine. You’re in the magazine. Not on it. No, no, no. OK. That’s OK. Whoa. Well, that was a close call. Yeah, yeah. Then you would have
been too pretty. Way too pretty. I would have to go
everywhere in that ball. No. And so you– These shoes didn’t– that’s it. You don’t need them? I can’t They were here. If I was on the cover– stilettos. But now, Ned’s all year. OK. All right. And you know what? Why don’t you make
this your thing? You’re barefoot everywhere? Oh, that’s my thing now. Barefoot? Barefoot. Barefoot shooms. Barefoot and pregnant, probably. What? I don’t know. I hope– no, I’m not. So we were just talking
about the birthday party, which you were at. Oh, thanks for having me. Thanks for being there. But when you literally
were telling everybody you were getting married, like– That’s right. Everyone thought
you were kidding. I know. Because celebrities are
supposed to be quiet. Right. When they’re getting married. We are going around– we
got engaged that morning. So we were going
around, everyone, we’re getting married, you know. All these celebrities. You had everyone– Pink
was there and Pharrell and the mother of
dragons– what’s her name? Kris Jenner. [LAUGHTER] It’s a joke, right? I love those girls. I love that whole family,
love to True, and True West, everybody. I got to meet them now. I love them. But anyway, so we
were going around. We were getting
advice from everybody. And so, I was looking for you. I never even got
to say hi to you. I saw you. You were on the dance floor,
and you were in the zone. I was. I was dancing. I couldn’t– I
couldn’t stop you. It was like a
Flashdance situation. Right. Yeah. Yeah, so then I text you after. Yes, and you said,
I’m getting married. Would you like to come? Because first you said– Amy kept telling everybody
she was getting married. Everybody who would listen. The waiters, the valets. If she really thought
you were kidding. I know you thought
I was kidding. Yeah, but then
you text and said, I really am getting married. But I was doing a show. I would have Gone. No, everyone has an excuse. So wait. Well, congratulations, So you
got married two days later. Yes, we did. Yes, you did. [APPLAUSE] I’m so married. So married. Now I was kidding about
barefoot and pregnant. Will you– do you all want kids? Well, here’s the thing. I have never wanted kids. And then I saw myself
as a baby on your show and I thought, who am I to
deprive the world of such a beautiful baby? Yeah. Look at that baby. Yeah. So I think we’re going to do
it, but just use my genetics. I see. Just yours. It’ll look exactly–
look at that. Yeah. What a beautiful baby butt. That was the last time
you came out here. So wait. Well, first of all, I’m
really excited for you. Thank you. Had you known each other long? No. We met in a parking
lot outside your party. Oh. We’ve known each
other about a year. We’d already been living
together for like five months. And we knew. I was like, I’m done. That’s great. Yeah. That’s when you– I locked it down. That was at your party. Yes that was the
photo booth we had. We came out. So wait. What’s changed if you
were living together? It does feel
different, doesn’t it? It does. And I like just being
in one place, you know. I just feel more settled,
I haven’t been on the road as much. And it’s good for me,
like for my health, because I’m one of those
comedians– you know when comedians blame
their behavior on the city that they’re in? So they’re like, oh, Houston. You guys got me so drunk
last night, you guys. And they’re like, no,
we had work today. Like we didn’t– Sacramento, you made me
have sex with a stranger. No, you’re in a
really bad place. That’s just your fault.
It’s not the city. It is you, ma’am. Turns out it’s you. So you– he’s a chef, right? Yes, he is. Is he in a restaurant? I’m brilliant. I don’t know. Yeah. How smart am I? How smart is that
to marry a chef? Oh my God. You know, I think I think
a sexy thing to do– this is a little
bit of a life hack– is to, say your husband’s a
fireman, to kind of dress up something cute, like wrap the
hose all around you, you know, or like– but he’s a chef
so what I do is you flour. I learned how to make
pie, so I’ll put flour. You know, it’s just cute. But, yeah, see. Some people do just a
little flour, but no. What I do, I roll around in
raw eggs, and then flour, and just I’m a sexy
chicken cutlet. He loves it. He loves it. Now, is he a chef at a
restaurant or a private chef? He’s the real deal. Wow. Really delicious, wonderful. I’m happy for you. And also, he’s cool. Yeah. I mean, I guess I’ll get to
know him in the coming months.