Tj Host

Wedding Ideas & Inspiration
DON’T Marry For Happiness! 6 Reasons

DON’T Marry For Happiness! 6 Reasons


Fifty percent! That’s how many marriages they say end up
in divorce. And you know what? It doesn’t surprise me. And it’s not because I have so little faith
in marriage. No, of course not. We’re married. It’s because of the most common reason people
choose to get married for… happiness. In this video, we’re going to talk about
why it’s not a good idea to marry for happiness. Number one: if you marry for happiness, unhappiness
can be a threat to your marriage. Recently, Daniel released a video on why not
to live for happiness and shared why unhappiness is a normal part of life. No matter how much control you think you have
over your happiness, it’s still bound to go up and down. Sometimes, we feel down for a long time. If we base marriage on happiness then it’s
a really unstable foundation to build marriage on. Perhaps you’ve already thought about the
possibility of these unhappy times and figured that you and your partner would work together
to bring that happiness back. But how? Well, if you’re all about happiness, you
probably care a lot about things being fair too. Which brings us to number two: if you marry
for happiness, unfairness can also be a threat to your marriage. Unfairness is a normal part of life, but it
really doesn’t feel good when it happens to you. As a way to control fairness, people who marry
for happiness are often more likely to want everything to be 50/50 or 100% equal. Nice idea, but you won’t be able to keep
things perfectly fair. All of us have our own set of challenges that
hold us back from performing at our best and there’s really no way of objectively measuring
people’s challenges and effort. And, one day, after you’ve done all your mental
calculations around how much you’ve put in versus how much your partner’s put in,
you might very likely find yourself looking at your marriage and thinking “this is unacceptably
unfair.” Number three: if you marry for happiness,
you limit the love that you and your partner get to experience in marriage. There is a greater love than just going along
with your feelings, the greatest form of love, unconditional love. One example of that is how parents love their
children no matter how lovable or unlovable they can be at times, they still love them
so much. Number four: if you marry for happiness, you’re
more likely to limit your growth as a person. Think about this… What’s more closely connected to feeling
good? Having an easy life? Or having a difficult life? Having an easy life, right? Some of you just want the benefits of companionship
that you can just go to anytime you want and you just don’t want to bother with all the
hard work that goes into a successful relationship that promotes self mastery. You know, you just want live your life going
to work and then coming back home to feel good and not have to work on anything else,
right? Well, the right partner for you sounds like
someone who’d just stay quiet about your weaknesses and demand the least amount of
change in you. After all, if you’re comfortable with all
your weaknesses, that’s all that matters, right? No. Number five: if you marry for happiness, happier
alternatives can be a threat to your marriage. If you approach marriage from a consumerist
attitude, making it all about you, your needs or how perfectly some external thing checks
off all the boxes on your checklist, then it’s really no different than shopping for…
say… a car. It only makes sense to switch over to a new
car with better specs as long as there’s positive net happiness after you deduct all
the switching costs. But perhaps you only want to make one transaction
for that one “best” car. I mean, if you’ve got the best one, then
you’ll know with certainty for the rest of your life that there’s no better car
out there on the market, right? No buyer’s remorse for you, right? Well, that then puts a great deal of pressure
on you to test-drive as many cars as you can. …Which brings us to number six: if you marry
for happiness, you’re more likely to waste more time and more energy of others as you
test them out on all the ways that probably don’t add up to a solid marriage anyways. Some people have no idea what they want out
of marriage. They just know that they want to feel happy. So, with every hiccup in their relationship,
their confidence in their partner gets tossed back and forth. And, in their attempt to gain more certainty,
they stretch out time testing out their partner. Until…5, 8, 10 years have gone by. So that’s our top six reasons why it’s
not a good idea to marry for happiness: one, unhappiness can be a threat; two, unfairness
can be a threat; three, you’ll limit the love that you and your partner get to experience;
four, you’re more likely to limit your growth as a person; five, happier alternatives can
be a threat; and six, you’re more likely to waste more of the time and energy of others. What do you think about our list? Do you agree? Do you disagree? Let us know in the comments below. And to follow up on this video, we’re going
to be making a video on why we chose to get married. So, keep an eye out for that or hit the subscribe
button and we’ll see you next time. Thanks so much.

21 comments found

  1. We don’t mind being open and transparent about our challenges in life and marriage because we love helping others feel like they’re not alone and love sharing how we work through those challenges to give hope to the hopeless. You’d be surprised, though, at how often in our comment section people put our marriage down for that and place bets on how soon the two of us will get divorced. When you marry for happiness (most do), then yes, marital challenges and times of unhappiness can be huge threats to marriage. But we never married for happiness. In this video, we share six reasons why we believe it’s not a good idea to marry for happiness.

  2. Thank you for sharing such inspiring content! Your transparency and honesty on sharing what you really think is a blessing for us.

  3. Great video, Dan and Kim! Marriage to me is about growth. It's about finding someone to evolve with and support. It's not the pursuit of happiness, but about the pursuit of fulfilment. When you look back at the end of a long marriage, you can say, wow! look at how far we've come together. Look at all the hard time we've overcome to get here.

  4. Umm why is she always staring at him like this ? Nice video, but I think while love can be unconditional, healthy relationships are conditional. Example : God himself with mankind.

  5. This video was fitted me today and I hope this message is heard by others as well. Thank you for putting the time in to share this message

  6. In agreement! Should never expect you to nor never demand. Weaknesses & strength's come from both parties. An agreement a relationship takes work and both have to work.

  7. hmmm… yall look kinda fake kim your trying too hard to look perfect its kinda awkward :/ viewers see right thru it

  8. They are not saying happiness is not a component of a successful marriage. What I understood is that all they're trying to say is it shouldn't be the basis of why people get married because happiness in the context we use it in today is superficial. And why do people get so skeptic when someone mentions that they are Christians or mention God? Y'all are gonna miss out on some good stuff just because of your ignorance and prejudice 🙄

  9. This is so true! You just described all the main reasons people date and marry – and why so many of those relationships fail.

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