Facing the Fear of leaving an unhappy Marriage. Signs a Marriage is Ending.
Paige, thanks so much for once again joining us. Absolutely! We are on our third day with Paige in town here from Tucson, and really been having a great time talking, getting to know each other, talking about some pretty pretty deep stuff, a lot of fun stuff too so it hasn’t all been too introspective. What we wanted to focus on today, and and you and I talked about this night was, really how relationships, how we are in our relationships at this time in our lives. A lot of us are either married and questioning certain situations, or are out looking for love again. Talk about, talk to us about the past, how it continues to affect the present, and how we make it better? So the past always affects the present, and more so if you haven’t looked at past, if you haven’t looked at what you’ve brought to the relationship that’s not working for yourself and maybe for the other person involved as well. And so many times people are fearful of looking at the past. Everybody has a knowing if the relationship that they’re in isn’t working. They have a knowing if someone stepped out of the relationship, it’s a matter of do you want to be present enough and have the courage to know what the knowing is, and when you have the knowing, what do you do with that knowing. Because if you don’t listen to your knowing, you’re not being authentic and you’re not being honest to your pact here in this lifetime both for yourself and for the person that you’re in the relationship with. And what I say to people too, who are really fearful of leaving relationships is, number one, well no one’s had a divorce in my family. That doesn’t matter, that does that does not matter. Or, you know, what if I hurt the other person. You’re hurting the other person if you’re not being honest about what’s happening or not happening within the relationship. But to that point also, just because, you know, if you decide to leave, you’re bringing yourself to another relationship. Mmm, that’s a good point, I can talk about that. So what I see many times is that, a couple things I see is that the relationship is not working. Let’s just say that we’re in a relationship, and it’s not working, and I’m not speaking up about it and you’re not speaking up about it, so what happens. You go out to your job, you go out to people you know and somebody else’s more interesting, and what actually ends up happening. You begin having an emotional relationship with somebody else, and maybe that turns sexual. So that’s one thing. I haven’t said anything, you haven’t said anything but one of us finally starts to work on ourselves. Let’s just say it’s you that really starts to work on yourself. I know something is different and typically the other person gets a little fearful because you’re not dancing the same way with me and we danced for the past 10, 15, 20 years. So either I’m going to step up and look at my stuff and see if we can continue to dance together or if I don’t you’ll find out that the dance that you’re doing individually is working for you better, so it’s okay to finally say to the other person, you know what? This isn’t working for me. And what I say to people is, you know it’s the old adage of we’re together in relationships, whether its friends or intimate relationships for a season, for a reason, for a moment, for a lifetime, or for more than one lifetime. What are we supposed to be learning individually and together. Well, and there’s so much fear and then guilt associated with all that, at what point do you would you say oh you’re just being selfish, you know, you “should” work on your marriage, or no it’s time to get out. It’s always an inner knowing, everybody I’ve ever spoken with and worked with, even when they said to me, I had no idea that that he was doing this, or she was doing this, and I really didn’t know. When they start to learn to be honest with themselves, and then I ask the question again. You know, now let’s really be honest with you. When can you tell me that you first remembered or had a feeling, or had a sense. And then they’ll always say, it was then. So what was the scariest point about realizing that? Because when I realized that Paige, I have to do something about it. But so many times we don’t know, we forget when we step into this lifetime what this lifetime is really going to be about, but the more connected you get to your body, to your knowing, you’re soul, you have a better idea of maybe, am I just supposed to be alone in a sense of maybe maybe married is not for me? Am I supposed to be traveling with multiple partners to learn multiple things? Am I supposed to be just with one partner to learn multiple things with that partner? So it’s so much bigger than just, okay society says you’ve had one divorce, I don’t know about that, what you’re on two now? What does that mean? And three heaven forbid, what does that say about you? It’s so much bigger than that from a spiritual perspective. So you know you really have to stay in the moment and say that it’s okay because maybe the timing right now is the time for you to really get to know yourself more before somebody else comes along. And it’s kind of like the clutter that’s in your closet, or in your house. If you don’t clear that clutter out of your house meaning the clutter that you have in the body, if you don’t clear that out, how are you possibly going to have an open space for someone to come in? Do you want somebody to come into that same clutter that you’ve had? Or do you want someone to walk into something that’s more open, that’s more bright, that’s more brilliant that you can actually be there and present with that person and present yourself. That’s great, great advice. I’m excited to head on to our other location and find out about some of the bodywork and understanding what’s been going on in our relationships. Any final words on relationships? Anything that you want to leave our audience with? It starts with yourself and don’t kid yourself. If you’re going to make excuses as to why you’re in a relationship, that’s a red flag! If you’re going to continue to live in fear, then the only person who’s responsible for what’s going on in their life is you! So just know that you can be fearful and still take steps through that fear, that’s ok! But you’re in this lifetime, take advantage of it! Step into your knowing! Don’t stick with something that’s not working. No! Know your knowing! Step into it!