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Kristin Chenoweth Says ‘Marriage Doesn’t Define Me’ And Opens Up About Having Children

Kristin Chenoweth Says ‘Marriage Doesn’t Define Me’ And Opens Up About Having Children


(audience applauds)
– I know you’re dating. – Yes.
– You’re dating, so are you getting married
and do you wanna tell us now? (laughs) Okay, no.
– (laughs) Girl talk! You know what? Not to get weird, but I think that, also, it’s important to say this, especially to our younger fans and younger generations of women. I come from the Bible Belt
in Oklahoma, very proudly so, but with that means that
you’re supposed to get married, have 2.5 kids, and live in
the white picket fence house, and I didn’t choose that for
my life, I had other goals, and at first, I was always ashamed, like I shouldn’t tell people that, maybe, I’m not sure
about having children or even, maybe, getting married, and I’ve had great men in my life. I’ve got a great one right now. Marriage might be the deal, it might, but it hasn’t been what’s
defined me or driven me, and, for a long time, I
was shameful about it. (audience applauds)
– Yeah, ’cause especially from where we’re from. – Because of where we’re from.
– Yeah. – And also, thank you. – Did people always think you were gay? People thought I was gay forever. – I’ve had some boyfriends to make me wish I was gay, but no. (everyone laughs)
– Me too, me too. – No, I’m not, and as
far as people will go, “You’re not gonna have a child?” and it’s almost like, oh, selfish, but I take care of a lot of
kids, I have many cousins. I have godchildren I take care of, and this is also important to say. As an adopted child, if I have that so desire one day, and I wake up and I say,
“Maybe I missed the boat,” or “Maybe I wanna do that,” there’s been so many great
examples of women who’ve done that and I would just adopt a child. There’s many people out there.
(audience applauds) – The thing about that, too,
is one, that you’re picked. My mom just got stuck with me.
(Kristin laughs) You were picked. – They do say you’re chosen.
– They got to pick you. – Yeah.
Yeah, that’s really cool. – It’s a special feeling and I’ve always known
about my adoption and my family, they’re all chemical
engineers and real tall and they don’t sing.
(Kelly laughs) They don’t sing and
they should never sing, actually, ever.
(audience laughs) But I don’t do math, but
we learn from each other. – That’s awesome, that’s so great.

31 comments found

  1. Just because we are women doesn't automatically mean we need to get married or have children its all up to how we choose to live our life its our decision, and just because we chose not to do what society expects of us doesn't make any woman selfish!

  2. I’m on the same boat as Kristin Chenoweth. I’m a man, there’s no biological clock for men to get married. But my family is still putting pressure on me to find a good woman my age to get married to, have kids, etc.

    Many men my age are married, but I’ve been single most of my life. I’ve had many bad experiences with women, and the last woman I dated was a psycho. So I don’t know if I’ll ever get married, or if I even want to do it.

    I don’t see marital bliss around me anywhere. My parents are divorced, living in 2 separate states. My parents never got along, they always fought like dogs and cats when they lived together for nearly 40 years. Many couples have ended up in divorce. When I visit my sister and brother in law, all I see is bickering and yelling. Marriage is completely overrated. So I don’t want all that crap for myself, no, thank you.

  3. Being married and having kids does not mean you live a traditional life, you could still live an unconventional life and be married and have kids… I'm just saying, you don't need to have the "white picket fence"… people need to get this in there heads!! Seriously!

  4. The social pressure to get married is real (and then once you're married to have kids), and it gets really real once you reach a certain age. It needs to stop. There's nothing wrong with being single, or in a relationsip but not married.

  5. I also don't plan to have kids. I help take care of my niece and nephew. I want to have cats. I've started telling people but I haven't told my aunt yet. :p

  6. People married for different reasons in past generations–for help, survival or because women didn't have a chance at many options back when. When people praise long term marriages, I always wonder…are they HAPPY because if not what's the point of being unhappy just to stay together. Woman also took their husbands name because they were property. Uh…nope!

  7. Amen to this! I’m kind of the opinion that too much familiarity tends to breed contempt. I hope to find a soulmate one day, but the thought of having to share a bed with someone every night for the rest of my life is not appealing at all and sounds totally claustrophobic! I like my space and freedom. I’m aware that obviously the majority of people are going to want kids but I do find it incredibly frustrating that – even in so-called “modern society” it still seems to fall on deaf ears when a woman says she doesn’t want – or isn’t sure if she wants- kids and/or marriage. It seems to be something she is continually being asked to justify . I appreciate this interview a lot , we don’t all have to be the same, think the same or fit into a certain mould just because we come from a certain area, it’s ok to be different <3

  8. In the Slavic community, if you’re a woman who is over the age of 18 and not married you’re considered to be “old” and no one wants you.

  9. I think everyone should take a lesson from Kristin. I feel like we live in a world where people feel it's a do or die goal to find someone to marry. Like they need that special someone to feel complete and once they do, they become those annoying people on Instagram taking constant selfies with their significant other. Like what's wrong with being single? You don't have to find a romance to be happy. To me, as long as you got friends and family, you don't have to feel alone. Plus, you don't have to share anything, you don't have to spend money on expensive stuff like diamond engagement rings or paying for a wedding and you just plain got your independence. If you find someone you love romantically, fine. That's great but it shouldn't be a requirement as a way to complete your life.

  10. My mom grew up constantly having to babysit her younger nieces and nephews.
    She knew she didn't want any kids when she married my Dad. Well my dad wanted kids so here I am!
    She's expressed her lack of desire to be a mom more times then I can count. She has told me that she loves me but I never felt that connection a daughter should feel with her mother. If people really feel strongly against having a child they should listen to their inner voice and not have children.

  11. I love this so much. I especially love that Kristen points out that in not having children we can still contribute to the raising of the children in our "village" in other ways.

    Kids aren't for me – but I love them for other people, and there are things I can do to love and support parents who are raising kids.

  12. Oh, Kristin, I already loved you! But you still find ways to make me fall deeper and deeper! What an amazing example of pure, radiant joy.

  13. I’m in my 40’s and everyone always asked me when i will get married or have a baby. I’m okay being single , so there’s that.

  14. Thank you for being honest about the shame and identity issues. It's a painful reality that traps too many people.

  15. I hate the selfish comments that childfree women get. What's selfish is having a child that you know you don't want just to fulfill some sort of societal norm or need that you have. I can't tell you how many people have asked who will take care of me when I'm old. How is that not selfish? Having a child just so you won't die alone?

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