Learning Patience in Marriage: Clip from Podcast 207
So right now in your marriage, you guys have been already
a couple of years. What do you think God’s teaching you in your marriage? I would say for me at least, I don’t know what it is with Emily as much.
I mean I could guess but for me, it really is patience. And just being tender and
gentle and kind. Because that is not who I am at all. I come from a largely, culturally
Chinese background. I’m the eldest son. So the way that I was raised was very different
than the way that my wife was raised. I got, not just like reprimanded or spanked,
I got beat. Like the typical immigrant mind style. So for me the way that I approach problem solving,
the way I approach my daily life, is a very intense, very a type-a, very go get it.
That’s how I deal with life vast majority. I’ve never been accused of being too tender and too
patient and too loving and too kind. My wife is the exact opposite. She’s the baby of the family.
She comes from a more culturally American style of raising family, where it is less of the corporal
punishment and things like that. So our natural tendencies clash a lot
in that and not respect. And so because I love Emily,
I want to be more patient with her. Whereas before, my working relationships or my friends,
if we have an argument or whatever, it’s kind of like, “Alright well, see you later. I won’t talk to you
for a couple days. When you come back, it’s fine.” But that doesn’t work in a marriage.
You kind of have to learn how to deal with things. You go to bed with that person at night,
so I guess you don’t escape. Hopefully! But I think that what you’re saying is, one obviously
couples are you come with different differences. And you either embrace those differences
or they kind of pull you apart. Well, you’ve chosen to say okay this is how
this woman needs to be loved. And it’s important for me to learn to love her that way. That’s a huge deal, that’s big. Because a lot of times
we don’t, we keep fighting our own way. Well she needs to learn to be loved the way I’m willing to love her.
Instead of saying how does she needs to be loved. And that’s so hard. It really is a challenge. But because you love that person.
Like that’s really what you want to do. You don’t want to feel like you’re pouring
yourself out for the sake of this relationship. But then realize on the other end
that that’s not what they’re receiving. That’s heartbreaking.
It’s like man I thought that things were great. I didn’t realize that there was this void from your side of things
because I’m miscommunicating or I’m not doing it. So really it comes from this desire to serve your spouse
as well as you can and to love them as well as you can.