Tj Host

Wedding Ideas & Inspiration
What are the Alternatives to Marriage?

What are the Alternatives to Marriage?

In so many areas,
we’re used, nowadays, to questioning the status quo and exploring alternatives. It would be odd, therefore, not to try to perform
the same exercise around marriage. Here seem to be
our main options for how to arrange
our personal lives. Firstly, the standard marriage.
[ applause ] The upsides are firm possession
of one prized person, continuity, resolution,
children are reassured, economic stability, and social prestige. But there are some downsides, too. Sexual boredom, exasperation, a lack of appreciation, a suspicion of better alternatives out there. Second option, divorce. Now, the upsides here are,
[ laughter ] New possibilities
for sexual excitement, an end to cycles of exasperation, and past problems
can be seen to be all their fault. The downsides of it are perturbed children,
economic chaos, probably no one better out there, and in fact, our fault, too.
[ applause ] The third option. The sunset clause marriage
[ laughter ] may be renegotiated
every 10 years. Now, the upsides of this are
prospect of sexual excitement, much more appreciation and effort, and children who are
somewhat reassured. But there are downsides, too. insecurity, jealously,
terror of abandonment, and no one actually might be better. And it’s difficult to pioneer.
[ applause ] There’s a fourth option. Marriage with secret affairs.
[ laughter ] The upsides of this
are fragile stability mixed with partial excitement. But the downsides are
deceit, jealousy, cowardice, and a lot of shame. Now, what about polyamory?
Our fifth option. The upsides here are
constant sexual possibilities and not much
day-to-day exasperation. But there are downsides. Socially not very prestigious,
a lot of jealously around, children might be in turmoil, discontinuity, exhaustion,
and career chaos. What about the sixth option. Serial nonbinding monogamy. The upsides are lots of
sexual possibility. The downsides…moth-eaten loneliness
and possibly a lot of insecurity. What about number seven? Communal living. Here the upsides are: shared childcare and sexual variation. The downsides, though, bit utopian, quite a lot of jealosy, factions and bickering. An eighth choice: celibacy Well, the upsides here are: time to work and think, there are downsides, too: loneliness, and sexual humiliation. We see a recurring theme: a struggle between loyalty and freedom. We can invest in more loyalty, but must then risk suffering from boredom, lack of appreciation, and sexual frustration Or we can invest in more freedom and risk chaos, irresolution, exhaustion, jealousy, and humiliation. It seems that whatever we choose is going to be very painful. The option is not between error and happiness, but between what varieties of suffering we would ultimately prefer. This is why our very favorite quote is Kierkegaard’s playful, bleakly exasperated outburst from his book “Either/Or”: “Marry and you will regret it;” “don’t marry, you will also regret it;” “marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way” “Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it;” “weep over it, you will regret that too;” “laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both.” “Believe a woman, you will regret it” “Believe her not, you will also regret it…” “Hang yourself, you will regret it;” “don’t hang yourself and you will regret that too” “hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way” “whether you hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you will regret both.” “This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.” We do, however, have one suggestion: That humanity’s efforts should be spent not so much on retooling the external structure of relationships as on rethinking the humbling central problem we’re grappling with all the while beneath the surface. Why other human beings are so hard to love, and why we are, by extension, so difficult to live around. In other words, perhaps the answer lies not so much in a new kind of relationship, as in improved capacities around emotional skills. The solution to the dilemmas of relationships should be to increase our understanding of how to love, rather than merely making it easier to find and fire new lovers.

100 comments found

  1. I like standard marriage the most. Albeit it has it's own set of disadvantages, the advantages outweigh them still for me.

  2. the person has explained my ideology completely, nothing matters, if you do it, it happened, in truth it doesn't really matter

  3. "Suspicion of alternatives"? You mean doubt? Worry? Fear? You marry because you love your partner with all your heart and soul. When you marry, you give yourself to them.
    When you feel like those feelings are dying, that doesn't mean it's over. That's when you have to be strong again.

    This channel is incredibly misleading, and should not be taken seriously.

  4. Even though I disagree with some of the theories that this man has exposed. I´m still grateful for his videos. I have come to think more about me and the way I relate myself with others. And now I see love in a different way, less idealistic and more open to experience new ways to love.

  5. Trying to find an alternative to marriage is like trying to find an alternative to sugar. Just don't. It'll always leave a bad taste in the back of your throat.
    At its core, the refusal to marry is just good old fashioned cowardice, getting in the way of finding the ultimate happiness and fulfillment.

    I've never once regretted my marriage. I might regret things that happen, but never the marriage itself. Things that happen can always be overcome. The marriage provides the strength and reassurance to do so.

    Husbands are absolutely invaluable. They're goofy and focused and self sacrificing in a way that to me is absolutely humbling. Recognize those things instead of focusing on their faults, which all humans have, and you won't have regrets.

  6. Wait for companion androids to be invented. Or get cats. Lots of them. They're adorable and they can purr while sleeping on you which is the purest and most beautiful form of love on earth.

  7. You know? It's funny. I married, she cheated, we're still together, and I do think about hanging myself quite often but don't, and I do regret all of it. But I guess I'm happy to an extent.

  8. You forgot: Divorce, having your kids taken (if there are kids), alimony, her keeping the house or apartment, wage-slaving and maybe even suicide! Yes, a lot of man actually KILL THEMSELVES because of the shame of being unable to pay child-support and alimony (and facing jail-time because of that!) and others do so because their live's work (say they started a company!) is ruined because of a divorce!

    So thanks, but no thanks to the first thing – won't touch marriage with a 20 foot pole!

  9. Or just be patient and find someone who is worth your time and who you will not have these problems with.

  10. In my younger years, i viewed marriage as being never ending boredom, or consenting to having a ball and chain tied to your ankle. But in the past few years of my life, I've figured out that marriage is what you make it. I hadn't wanted to get married when I was little, and as a woman, it is very strange in the world of gender roles for a young girl to not dream of growing up and being a housewife. And I would've, had it not been for the stereotype of broken marriages and sexual boredom. I'm glad I've overcome that part of my life. I think It's very toxic to tell the world's youth that "getting married was my biggest mistake" or things like "yeah I'd give it five months" because just because marriage isn't for everyone, doesn't mean most people are unhappy once they get married. Marriage is what you make it.

  11. ive noticed people jealous of my polyamorous lifestyle but not my partners of eachother and the children have all of the financial and emotional support and security they could need. It takes a village to raise a child they say yet most parents leave that up to the education system. As far as social prestige, well I already have more friends than I can keep up with so I'm not so sold on what this video has to offer on that matter lol just speaking from personal experiences/perspective so I cant say for the rest of the scenarios (which ultimately sound rather unappealing to be honest)

  12. I used to pride myself in being "the only person genuinely happy being alone" but deep down I like the idea of love.

    I want to do nice things for someone, like wash their eyeglasses every day, give back massages and cheap creative gifts, make them feel secure, learn, laugh, cry with them.

    I don't care for marriage. I don't need kids. We don't have to do normal things. We can just be ourselves. And have fun.

    I'm not being realistic and should go back to being the solitary person I'm best at.

  13. if you hang yourself you won't be able to regret nothing…. one must be very uneducated to be bored by and with the person he or she loves….if you choose whom to love and live with…and get bored are the weak link….and you don't know your own self and your needs…if you choose that poorly ….

  14. In this age of social chaos, This video is only for men really in terms of the legal and social aspect of marriage. Half of the comments are men that are talking about better alternatives than marrying women and the other half are women shaming these men saying "Married men are happier." and "You won't be happy or successful if you don't have a woman in your life."

  15. What about most imp option
    Marriage with just closed relationship & seperate finances altogether
    Y our system still is geared to benefit lazy men & gold diggers women

  16. Never plan on getting married. Don't see the point. Why do I need to sign a peice of paper to say I'm married? I can be with someone without that.

  17. Your obsession with that Kierkegaard quote is really grinding me down. Why focus on regret? In my mind, the essence of philosophy is 'To be or not to be, that is the question'.
    These are great videos with great content, don't get me wrong, but your opinions cut through like knives sometimes and present very biased viewpoints.

  18. After watching another video that touches on polyamory, they don't seem to get what polyamory actually IS. Children do not have to be in turmoil, and if it is done right, there are far fewer instances of jealously, than might be in a monogamous relationship. There is less possessiveness and unwarranted jealously. Of course, like any type of relationship it also has its downsides, like even though our hearts may have the capacity to truly be in love with more than one person at a time, we don't always have the TIME to be able to spend with them. Love may be infinite, but time our time is not.

  19. Can't be lonely if I've always been alone.
    Can't be humiliated if I've always been humiliated.
    Therefore, best alternative celibacy, and a lifesize cutout of Joan Sims showgirl at foot of bed – to improve my outlook.

  20. I am alone and I am quite content. There is a shocking lack of problems. My only "problem" is that any relationship is most likely worse than the comfort I have now. Is it so hard to believe that someone comes to terms with being alone lol.

  21. No music, please. I won't be able to listen to your videos of you keep putting music with them. Too distracting and over stimulating.

  22. The last option sounds the most appealing to me. I can happily live without sex. Agree with that last line though too

  23. How about have a partner and open honesty, If u wanna have sex with someone else or whatever. The thing is nbody wants to feel trapped, bored, controlled. Marriage and all this traditional stuff does that. People look down on swingers but that's something they do with their partner and their happy. Make ur own rules with ur partner and do u forget what ppl say.

  24. The only solution is to weigh the pros and cons. Then make a decision. And commit to that decision! You are all in with no more second guessing.
    Much better than constant going back and forth like a ping pong ball

  25. Beautifully done. Great video. if you're heterosexual and want kids, and want to raise badasses, marriage is the best option. If you're gay, or a lesbian, or bisexual, just have sex with whom ever you desire and never get married. Be Poly instead of Mono. Trade lovers your whole lives.

  26. Who says sexual abstinence is humiliating?! I’d rather masturbate than have sex. My imagination is infinitely more interesting, free, than reality.

  27. Marriage means nothing the moment one spouse abandons and then emotionally abuses and financially rapes the other spouse.

  28. Marriage is not about love. It's about keeping each other happy. Who you marry is your choice and is also not made out of love but out of materialistic things… of which people are completely unconscious of when making decisions to marry, and calling them love. Spousal love I believe is a social invention to cover up that humans are so selfish. It's like covering shit with chocolate, basically.

  29. I'm deeply in love with the bloke in the jumper doing the thinking. Anyone got his number? I want to marry him and live happily ever after. He's so ME.

    What are the alternatives for the failed traditional marriage paradigm? The divorce rate for 1st marriage is around 50%, 2nd 67% and 3rd 73%?

  31. Exactly, modern dating world is becoming more and more “pass, next”. What we need to do is learning emotional skills and how to love, instead of eternally looking for new lovers..

  32. Is the idea of getting married to someone who doesn't leave you sexually frustrated really that foreign? 🧐🤷🏽‍♀️

  33. You're in trouble long before you even think of marriage.
    Men and women get married for different reasons. You don't even have a full count yet and you're already fucked.

  34. Lol, this was great. Reading comments below, many missed the point of this all together. Just relax & learn to love- the rest is gravy guys♡

  35. But… why is sex such an important point to have in mind? sex is for me incredibly overrated. the most fantasied thing ever.

  36. I think it's a nice option to be monoparental, either being a woman or a man, preferably a man, as the figure of the father is probably more important than that of the mother. This is what my mother did, she raised me alone, she rejected love, but still had company and someone to love with me, his son, although i really miss having a father figure.

  37. Until I find my unicorn…MGTOW. Hopefully the social landscape will be less socialist my next incarnation. Lol. These days in the western world Marriage is a liability for a man. This is a different social landscape from what our grandparents grew up and married in. In today's landscape it's almost certain if I get married and do everything right, I'll still get divorced and have to pay "her". F that. Not in this lifetime. I'm learning from others mistakes and tales of sorrow.
    Look I'd love to merry the "ONE". A true partner. A soulmate. But Im starting to wonder if she exists.
    Maybe in a non westernized country?

  38. Personally I think polyamory (having more than one romantic relationship simultaneously) OR ‘living apart together’ i.e. a marriage but with separate residences is most ideal. But both of these lifestyles require financial independence.

    I won’t be living these ways as my partner is vehemently against both of these lifestyles (we are married) but there you go. We do have a few couples in our circle who do the LAT thing but they are unmarried which I think ruins it, since then there is no security for them. It is basically serial monogamy if you don’t marry which means the other person could end things at any time so you have to live with the whole “terror of abandonment” thing which is intolerable.

  39. If you watch this video, you will regret it. If you don't watch this video, you will also regret it. Why is regret so pervasive?

  40. Love yourself first.
    Love yourself unconditionally.
    Value your life and the contributions you make to the world.
    Find your happiness in yourself.
    When you experience self-love, you do not depend on a partner for validation and happiness. Only then can you both be free to share in the joy of each other's presence.

  41. Isaiah 4:1 (ESV) And seven women shall take hold of one man in that day, saying, "We will eat our own bread and wear our own clothes, only let us be called by your name; take away our reproach."

  42. Return Love, honor and obay to the marriage vow, thereby desecualizeing the marriage putting it back on a christian baseist.
    Who wants to be in a secual marriage with a feminist. But youll
    Have to move heaven and earth and abortion rechristianize america to return Love , honor and obay to the wedding vow.
    Dont go getting your hopes up any time soon that sainty will return in your life time , iam not sure it ever will given what i see in Congress.

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