Tj Host

Wedding Ideas & Inspiration
When Is The Right Age To Settle Down and Should You Get Married

When Is The Right Age To Settle Down and Should You Get Married

When is the Right Age to Settle Down? We all wonder, when is the right age to settle
down and get married? Should you bide your time, waiting for the
ideal partner, even if it takes the rest of your life to find them? Or decide to put a ring on the next available
prospect, before you and your potential soulmate get old and grey? Is this age different for everybody, or is
there a universal standard? Numerous studies have been carried out, mathematical
equations have been formulated and psychologists have researched the right age to settle down. But is there really a magic number? One thing is clear: with increased career
opportunities for women and the increase in the number of partners one has over their
lifetime, the age for settling down has changed over time. In 1961, the average age for getting married
was 23 for women and 25 for men. Currently, the average for both women and
men has shifted, into the early thirties. What inspired this gradual increase in the
age of marriage? And more importantly, what are the factors
we should all take into account before settling down? The Age of Marriage
Most people decide it’s time to get married when they start getting questions from their
family and relatives. We can all relate to being home for the holidays,
when mom asks us when she can expect our spouse, and of course, a couple of grandkids. Different people get asked this question at
different points in their lives. For some women, this question is asked around
2 years after they get their first job. Other women will manage to avoid this conversation
until they’re in their late twenties, when the legendary biological clock starts running
out of time. For most men, this question is usually asked
after every one of his friends has settled down and started having kids. Personally, I don’t believe that there is
a “right age” to settle down. If statistics are anything to go by, settling
down in your early twenties is a terrible idea and chances are, you’ll get divorced
within five years of marriage. This would be a particularly bad situation
to be in, especially if you had kids with your estranged spouse. Let’s be honest, how many people have gotten
married straight out of university and lived happily ever after? And what if you met the “one” in high
school? The fact that there is a high rate of divorce
among couples who settled down early means there needs to be a discussion about when
to settle down. The question probably shouldn’t be “at what
age should I settle down” but actually “at what point in my life will I be ready to settle
down?” Some people do get their happily-ever-after
at a young age; some at an old age; and some during their midlife crisis. Since happily-ever-after is what we are all
hoping for, how do you decide when you personally should settle down? Questions to Ask Before Settling Down
The first question you should ask is, “Can you balance your ambitions and a committed
relationship?” Earlier in life, we pursue education. The aim of education is to help you grow,
and more often than not, direct your career path. Once you get a little bit older, it’s time
to decide what you actually want to do with your life. When considering whether or not you should
settle down, you should assess whether the relationship you’re in will support your dreams
and goals, and help them grow. Do not neglect your education – whether
it is your undergraduate or postgraduate studies – in a bid to settle down with someone. You might end up resenting your partner, as
you will feel as if they were responsible for you not giving your studies due attention. Resentment is the first ingredient to those
statistics of early divorces. If you’re already moving forward in a career,
make sure that your partner understands your work life balance, and that they support that
work as best they can. We all get too focused on work from time to
time, but if you and your partner routinely have trouble with how much work your career
or dreams require, it probably isn’t time to settle down just yet. Next, ask yourself whether there is genuine
affection between you and your partner. We’re in an age where the word love is thrown
around in all manner of ways, sometimes to achieve selfish goals. A partner you settle down with should not
be one who says just the right thing. The person who you plan to spend the rest
of your life with should have genuine affection for you: affection that goes beyond the “chemical
reaction that is love,” according to Rick from Rick and Morty. Don’t decide that what you’re feeling is,
indeed, true love, during the good times. During good times, it’s easy to feel excited
and happy with your relationship. Instead, observe how your partner treats you
when times are hard, when the world doesn’t seem to want to give either of you a break. If your relationship crumbles the minute things
get rough, this might not be the one for you. And don’t just take my word for it. After all, I’m not Dr. Phil, but one way or
the other, you have to be certain your relationship can withstand any hardships, otherwise it
could end in misery. Do you still have emotional baggage from previous
relationships? As I said before, we live in a time when people
date quite a few people throughout their life. The end of a relationship is quite often accompanied
by a lot of pain, and sometimes we unknowingly carry these scars into our new relationships. Before settling down with someone, examine
your heart. Do you still have lingering emotional baggage
from previous relationships? Are you still feeling hurt from how boyfriend
number two left you? Maybe girlfriend number 7? Carrying emotional baggage into a new relationship,
whether it’s you or your partner, is yet another ingredient in the stew of divorce. You’re probably going to get hurt at one point
or the other, it’s practically unavoidable, but even when this does happen, try your best
to learn from the pain, rather than just carrying it with you. Not only is emotional baggage not good for
you, but it is also unfair to your partner. Basically, don’t settle down if you’re still
hung up on your ex, whether it is affectionately or in pain. If you feel that you or your partner are still
dealing with any emotional baggage, try to talk to them about it openly and honestly,
explain your side of things, and hear them out. As long as you’re open and respectful, any
conversation you have about it will be better than just trying to ignore it. One of the most important questions to ask
yourself before settling down is, “Am I an independent person?” At this point, a couple of lines from Miss
Independent by Ne-Yo happen to be just relevant enough for me to butcher them for you right
now: “There’s somethin’ oh so sexy about kinda woman that don’t even need my help,
she said she got it, she got it, no doubt.” (Lol)
All R&B jokes aside, before settling down, ensure that you are financially, intellectually,
and emotionally independent as well. Most people settle down hoping to fill some
of the emptiness inside them. Marriage is not meant to complete you, no
matter how much the other person is able and willing to do that. You are meant to be partners to each other,
not co-dependent. A lack of independence means that you will
be relying on the other person to fill a void inside you: but what’s going to happen when
they are unavailable, or dealing with their own issues? Obviously, when settling down, you want to
be with someone who can support you, no matter what. But you can’t expect anyone, no matter how
wonderful a partner they are, to be able to do that 24/7. Before you settle down, make sure you’re a
complete and well-rounded person all by yourself, without constantly needing someone else’s
validation. And in an ideal world, make sure your partner
is independent too. Are you done experimenting? An important part of growing up, especially
in your dating life, is learning who is wrong for you and who is right for you. A lot of us end up kissing a lot of frogs
before we find the prince. And some of us, well, we just like to have
fun. Be honest, are you done experimenting? Would you be okay if this was the last person
you ever got to be with? If you’re still picturing how much better
your life would be if you met version 2.0 of your partner, don’t settle down. Even though it’s called settling down, it
doesn’t mean that you should just settle. That girl you take home to your parents doesn’t
necessarily have to be objectively perfect, but she should feel perfect to you. If you think there is better out there, try
and find it. This next question is especially for those
who might feel that they have passed the “right age for marriage.” Are you settling down because you are giving
in to pressure? First comes love, then comes marriage, then
comes the baby in a carriage. We’ve been conditioned to live by this adage;
and truthfully, it has been tried and tested over generations of people. For some people though, it might not happen
til later in life. Others might conform to societal or cultural
standards, that say what age we should be when we get married. The pressure mounts when people around us
constantly tell us it’s time we settled down. Do not settle down in a bid to counter this
pressure. Don’t decide to marry the next guy that
comes along in an effort to appease your family, friends, or anyone else. That is definitely one of the key ingredients
to an early divorce. I mean, would you want to be married to someone
who just did it to shut other people up? Settle down when you are sure that this is
the person you want to see every morning for the rest of your life. Do you want to have kids? And if so, how do you want to raise them? You might feel pressured to settle down early
because you want to have children. If you’re a woman and want to have kids, and
raise them in a family setting, and not as a single mother, in some respects, you do
have a time limit. On the other hand, you there are alternatives,
like in-vitro fertilization after freezing your eggs, adoption, or finding a surrogate. If you want to have kids the traditional way
though, and you hope to raise them in a nuclear family, you should get married before your
biological clock runs out. After all, few people have the energy required
to raise kids at 30, and it’s only going to get harder as you get older. However, no one should settle down with the
sole aim of having kids. It’s important to consider how any future
strains in a flimsy relationship might impact your children. If you have answered each of the questions
above, and are actually sure you want to settle down, then this is a no brainer. If having kids is your biggest concern though,
you might be better off separating them from the equation altogether, and being a single
parent until you find the right partner. Finally, ask yourself, “Can I live with
my partner?” A good number of marriages break down simply
because two people cannot stand to cohabitate anymore, and cohabitation is an essential
part in making any marriage work. Everyone has a limit on the kinds of behavior
they can tolerate from someone they’re living with. In the same way you go through a rigorous
screening process to determine whether someone is fit to be your roommate, you should go
through the same process to make sure you can live with the person you love. Can you live with the fact that your partner
snores? What about if they’re a messy slob? Are you okay with the fact that she is freakishly
neat to the point of obsession? If your partner’s habits are overbearing,
chances are, in 10 years, they will still be overbearing. In fact, they’ll probably feel even worse
after a decade of dealing with them. The problem with giving a standard number
as the “right age to settled-down” is that it sets a standard which many feel they
have to achieve. Nobody likes feeling like they’re late to
the party, or not making progress in life. But I personally don’t believe that there
is a right age to get married; it’s much more important that the situation is right before
you decide that you want to settle down. While “happily ever after,” might just
be a fairy tale, most of us do want to be happy, and to stay in the relationship as
long as we can. If, by answering each of the questions above,
you feel that 23 is a good age for you to settle down, by all means go right ahead,
but if you’re better off waiting, there’s truly no good reason not to wait. First comes (genuine) love, and then comes
marriage. Thank you guys so much for watching. If you liked this video please subscribe to
my channel, click the notification bell, and maybe even share it with a friend who could
use the advice. As always, I’ll see you in the next one.

40 comments found

  1. It's important to determine when to settle or not settle.

    But it is even more important to make sure it's your decision and bear the responsibilities and consequences that come with that decision with honour and integrity because that's what's most important.

  2. Great video. We need more videos like this.

    In this day and age, people think that just because they have the freedom to make some important choices and decision automatically makes it right. We almost never hear about responsability. Very refreshing video.

  3. If you're a man, in your 30s.
    Spend your 20s getting into shape and building your career.
    Then find a hot 21 year old and smash. Don't move in or get married unless you want kids.

  4. I think the right time for us to settle is when we are mentally mature and financially secure. 🔥

  5. Men should wait until they are established financially, emotionally snd spiritually secure. Marriage and children require service compromise and sacrifice. If done well The man gains nothing but the joy of giving and serving his purpose as protector and provider.

  6. Life is REALLY about making it a worthwhile one. DON'T waste it doing things you don't LOVE

  7. I’m 28 and I wanted to have kids a little after I was 25 and tried to make it happen in a relationship I was in for 5 years but nothing happen I even got checked to see if something was wrong with me but still nothing and now I’m in a new relationship with a guy who said he don’t want any kids or at least after he own his own business (which I have no problem with) and he is a year older then me, I still want a kid but but I doubt I’ll have one before 30.. I’m always being told to not wait to late but hell I ain’t trying to be anyone’s baby mama either. So I’m just at the point where I’m like fuck it I’m never going to get married or have kids so just let the thought of it go.

  8. Why do most of mid-age men say that their marriage was the worst decision in their life? Just because of bad timing? Or there is any other reason -_-?

  9. When marriage laws are changed so you don't automatically lose half of what you owned in the likely event of a divorce.

  10. I'm 37, and Brendan from the Steve Dahl podcast is 41, it's time we both settled down, became parents and spouses. Steve has 3 sons, all married with children, (two of them younger than me/ three of them younger than Brendan.) 35 to 40 is the right age I would say. Sure it means giving up freedom, no more road videos, because 99% of women if not all 100% of women do not want a man with quirky habits like recording random things, i.e. driving, stopping to take pictures or videos of highway signs. But in the end, being in bed with the opposite sex having sex is worth it!

  11. No man should ever get married it is without a doubt the dumbest thing any man could ever do. I can't even believe that men still do it

  12. You can be in a relationship and pursue your goals, you don't have to stop your education, career for the other person. My fiance proposed to me when he finished his first masters and got a job, a reasonable thing to want to accomplish before marriage, have a source of income. He wanted to do a second masters, he did it while we were planning our wedding, he will continue to do it throughout our marriage as he is doing it PT. His goal is a PHD so going into this marriage I know at some point he will take a leave from work to go do his PHD, meaning our income will be low and a lot will be on me. We communicated all of this with each other as our relationship developed. He knows PHD may not be possible if I can't handle doing it all on my own, so he's open to not pursuing his PHD as well, but I want him to. I want to make it work and help him reach there.

    We talked about work life balance. Both of us enjoy 9-5 careers, no more and no less. We both prioritize family over money, career, and materialistic things. For both of us the goal is a happy family. Our #1 priority is each other, we value each other. We make time for each other and make sure every decision we take we take the other person into consideration.

    A lot of people in our lives were really surprised when they saw my fiance using my phone. We know each other's passwords. I use his phone all the time. We have each other's fingerprint registered on to each other's phone. Being open and communicative is really not as hard as people make it look.

    Marriage is a partnership. You can be independent and maintain it, but you have to realize that you both have to work as one in order for it to work. and COMMUNICATE.

  13. Silly video . Please don’t listen to him. Seek God’s wisdom to settle down because he instituted marriage. You can settle in your twenties and it’s perfect. The age you settle does not determine how quickly you divorce.

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