Tj Host

Wedding Ideas & Inspiration
Why Marriage is a Scam – Honest Ads

Why Marriage is a Scam – Honest Ads

There’s no truer expression of love than a fancy wedding Or at least that’s what I and my peers have convinced you for financial reasons that will soon become clear, if they aren’t already. I’m sorry, are we paying for this time? Long ago, marriage was strategic – a way to legally bind two families or to increase one family’s landholdings. Today very few issues can be settled
by robbing your children of their right to choose a lover However, people like me still wanted to make money.
so we built an industry around the idea that you should legally bind yourself to the person with whom you most enjoy having sex Or, failing that, with whom you’re
most comfortable Or, failing that, anyone you want
for basically any reason Including immigration or tax concerns
(provided it’s not a family member) You don’t have to, of course, but it would be weird and kind of pathetic if you don’t Your parents agree with us.
And anyway, can you really put a price on love? Yes, love costs, on average, $ 31,500. -Holy fuck**ng sh*t.
-Yeah, same question. I told you we shouldn’t have given a kosher option Aah, save it vows.
Is this a wedding or an informative short? We, honestly, don’t know.
Congratulations, you’ve met the love of your life What better way to celebrate
than by spending several paychecks on a party for so many friends,
family members, and people you don’t know but your parents insist that you invite,
but you never speak with any of them for longer than 15 seconds.
Society has agreed, that it would be awkward, if those in love didn’t host
a cripplingly expensive event, at which your friends and family
get to watch you kiss, and have a chance to object if they want
(preferably after the meal) In exchange, newlyweds receive money
and/or presents from a pre-approved list of things you’ll need to own, to begin your life as ‘dual consumers’. It’s your little way of saying:
“By those bowls we want, friend from college.” In reality, your marriage is an open-air market, facilitating the barter of appliances
for booze and a meal. But make no mistake: no one is making money here. Except, of course, those of us in the
‘legal binding of people with vaguely religious undertones’ industry.
For example, you’re gonna want music at your reception, or everyone will be mad.
And even though an iPod, plugged into a speaker would be fine,
we’ve convinced you need to spend over a $ 1000 for a stranger
to plug in his iPod instead this is human DJ Chaz, he doesn’t have a degree
in anything, and he will play that song, that orders the listeners to get louder, then softer,
then louder again, and so on, and so forth in that fashion. If you failed to retain his services,
your’s will be a cursed union. These are pleasant smelling remains
of murdered plant life. They cost $ 2000, and are garbage
two hours after you say ‘I do’. I’d also like to remind everyone
that common wisdom states: “An engagement ring should cost roughly
two months salary” And let’s not forget about your maid of honor
and best man We don’t profit much on that one
outside of charging them an outrageous amount to rent an outfit
worn by dozens of people before. Really, we just thought forcing you
into picking your favorite friend would be a funny way
to add stress to your wedding day You literally have to decide,
which of your friends is best then make them write a speech. Even though it’s only my fourth time
talking in front of a group I’m going to tell a wildly inappropriate
story about the groom It’s intensely private, but society
has obligated me to reveal it on what is arguably the most important
day of his life in front of people who really
aren’t gonna find it charming. But don’t worry everyone,
WOHOOO. Add in a choreographed dance,
thank you notes and vows, and you’ll soon see your wedding as that
expensive party that requires homework. And don’t forget:
Everyone knows you are going to have sex afterwards. They are all fine with it,
there is no problem. I’m just pointing out that when smiles
at you at your wedding, they are thinking:
“They are going to f*ck later” Your grandma knows. She’s lived a long full life
You think she doesn’t know what happens on your wedding night?
And therefore has probably at least briefly imagined the two of you f*cking.
News flash: She has. Respect the elderly
I’m Roger Horton, and with the power vested in me by
the Internet, I now pronounce you husband and wife
F*ck you, pay me.

58 comments found

  1. Yeah, the history of marriage started with owning state property, which "made sure" that women wouldn't have babies with other men & the man accidentally having to spend money on a child that wasn't his own (you know, the restraints of capitalism). Non monogamy, therefore is out the window, which was once a common culture of our ancestors. Not that it prevented some from cheating, which is morally worse than nonmonogamy. This explains why some people subconsciously put pressure on their partner for marriage due to insecurities and afraid they might leave for someone else. Another factor is that their debt is now your responsibility. IRS too out my cousins savings to pay for her husband's debt, which he still hasn't paid her back after already being divorced. Now she's a single mom who could definitely use that money by now. I bet the people who disliked this think this information is "hating on love" but it's just facts. They might also just be mad that they spent so much on the wedding/honeymoon. Love has nothing to do with it.

  2. I guess going slightly better than an onion ring or plastic mood ring is expected, getting a 1$ plastic couple to put on a 4$ cake is fine, and the dress CAN be reused provided you trim the ridiculously long bits after use. If LOVE is true, this and a nice park or backyard with cats on your laps is plenty.

  3. My boyfriend and I are just going to go and have things legalized so we are each others husband and wife. And then have our own little celebration. No huge ceremony or big things and people needed ( or wanted) Guess you could say we are getting married with papers nd then going on a date

  4. Oh please this is about LOVE. It's not about money… I think. No no definitely about love… Except my heart hurts when I think about blowing all that money in one day to merge 2 families that won't like eachother and will still have separate Christmas parties.

  5. I think human-being is the worst and Harmful animal on the planet because of making himself satisfied killing and destroying other mankind and nature
    Let this animal not grow
    don’t marry don’t make kids

  6. The poorest and Devastate country communities and cultures have the highest population rates LIKE SOMALY AFRICA INDIA CHINA AND SO ON

  7. To me it just makes more sense to not spend too much money on the wedding, but save the money for the honeymoon instead

  8. I remember speaking to a wedding planner for my mom and as soon as she mentioned bouquets over $500, I left and planned it myself.
    $400: Two beautiful rings
    $100: A lovely spot in a local park
    $350: Wedding Dress
    $250: Wedding Tux
    $200: Chairs and decorations
    $100: Live Music and Photography
    $200 Catering for 20 people.
    For the $2100 that I put into the entire wedding, that planner would've put together 4 bouquets.


  10. Im woke as fuck..

    Already move to mexico..
    Dont have shoes
    F*** alimony why can't she pay me

    Enslaving you and putting you into debt

  11. Get a prenup or simply elope and keep your ceremony if you want simple be realistic and be truthful to your partner get everything sorted in case of separation in future it should not ruin you financially marriage is for happiness not for stressing

  12. I would not ever get married for a million dollar's. It's not only a complete fraud, you're asking to totally ruin your whole life. Today, marriage belongs in the toilet.

  13. Its really fun when you have a traditional family that expects you to fly out to every wedding for every cousin BECAUSE MUH FAMILY AND SHIT.

    Yeah I'm going to drop everything and fly out to middle of fucking nowhere Iowa and sacrifice one of my five days off while on a teacher salary… stupid

  14. I also like that you are expected to purchase a gift from the couples Amazon wish list. Yeah I am NOT buying you a $500 smart home Alexa set on a teacher's salary

Leave comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked with *.